The Case Against Fruit

So I thought I'd have a healthy snack this afternoon and eat a good ol' fashioned apple. Instead, I bit into one and got this lovely surprise:

It completely grosses me out.

And the other day, my boss told me a story about how she was at home eating grapes with her husband, and just as they reached the last one, they found a spider in their bunch. Not just any spider. A BLACK WIDOW SPIDER. WTF!!!



And have you heard about tarantulas showing up in bananas??!



Somebody get me some french fries, STAT!